I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need a beard to bite.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
