Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
