chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
