I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
