Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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