No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
