Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
