She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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