I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
