So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
