I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
