He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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