Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have fence marks all over my body
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
