And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
