All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My breasts were aching with rage.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
