Where are you?
In a non slutty way
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
