I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
