just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
