Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
