Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
