Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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