how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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