I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
