my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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