Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
