If i come over, it means nothing
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
