The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
