At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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