I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
