Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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