i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
