I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
