i don't like sucking hair
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
