the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My pussy is not your playground.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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