she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
