how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
do nipples grow back?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
