just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
