I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
