Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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