i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize