I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
