so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
