he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
