I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You dont lie about slip and slides
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
