Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ttyl tear gas
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
