thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
