There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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