I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
