Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
