Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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