My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
