so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
