After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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