my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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