My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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