I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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