the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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