respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
