Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
