I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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