you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
