I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
