But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
