The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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