And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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