there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
