Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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