You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
