Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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