Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
