I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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