No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
